I Have a Limp

I went surfing for a picture depicting the story of Jacob wrestling with God (Genesis 32:22-31). It took me longer than I anticipated because most of them looked like they were playing London Bridge. This one looks like they're doing the Tango:

I decided to go with this one because they look like they're getting after it:

While serving as a chaplain for the Laramie Police Department, I participated in a Custody Control training class where we did a ground fighting exercise. When they told us they were 30-second rounds, I thought to myself, "These are COPS?! That's a pretty low bar". It was the most exhausting thirty seconds I've ever experienced. I've never been that sore for that many days.  It hurt more than the tazing I once got at another training.

Jacob was actually winning the match, refusing to let him go until he received a blessing.  God dislocated his hip and, as a result, walked with a limp for the rest of his life.

For the REST OF HIS LIFE.

When the panic attacks started a little over seven years ago, I understood very little of what was happening. I did, however, know that God and I had started a ground fight, that I was getting my ass kicked and that it would somehow mark me for life. I also knew that nothing would ever be the same.

A gross overprescription of Xanax for the first year and a half caused an array of bizarro symptoms (trembling, facial twitches, stuttering, agoraphobia, and startle responses to name a few). Getting jacked on psychotropic meds actually amplifies the symptoms it's intended to treat (reader beware). Once discovered, these symptoms had reduced by half within a couple of weeks. The next 40% took about 5 years.

That leaves 10% and I'm still waiting. Loud, crowded places are hard. I hate going into Walmart (I think it's where Satan shops). Weird, high pitched noises freak me out. I get shifty-eyed when I get confused.

On August 25, I'll hobble through the classroom doors at Denver Seminary with a limp. Maybe I get to keep that 10% to remind me that God has a not-so-funny way of blessing me. -rc